"cause it only hurts when you cry,
I'm only sad when there's tears in your eyes."
-When You Cry by Vertical Horizon
your smile is everything.
yes it really is.
believe me.
you don't know how much joy and happiness you give me,
just by flashing me that very beautiful smile of yours.
and when I say beautiful, it really is beautiful.
and oh, every one of your smile is unique in a way.
it's expressive.
I don't care whether I am the reason you smile or someone else,
I really am just happy knowing that when you're with me, you smile.
it makes everything for me much easier,
bearable.
and it gives me the difference that I always want to have,
in each and every moment spent with you.
goodnight. it really was a good one.
thanks.
10111
8/14/08
8/9/08
missing you already.
always together, forever apart.
this one line, i've read earlier from the notebook.
well i don't mean any harm for this post, its just that thinking about the future makes me feel sad.
and it's because of so many things, so many circumstances involving you.
i know you know how i feel about you.
you've once joked about that before.
so no doubt about it.
but maybe you never realized how much truth there is in that little joke you made.
maybe you never realized that every step you took, i was there for you.
maybe you never realized, that every time you smiled at me, called my name, listened to what i said, i fell for you more.
more each day, each hour, each minute, each second i spent with you.
but at the end of the day, it'll be me who's missing you more.
every night before i sleep i think of you.
your oh-so-pretty face.
your lovely smile.
and the voice and laugh that i'd know wherever i would be.
i hope you know,
that all this time i've spent with you
will forever be cherished, treasured and remembered.
i know this sounds something like a goodbye,
and i have my reasons for this.
it's because i realized, that the time i'd be spending with you
will exponentially decrease in the coming days
specifically, the coming terms.
i love everything about you,
although i know that it'll be imposiible for me to have you
it's just that, right now
i'm missing you already.
always together, forever apart
- the notebook
10111
this one line, i've read earlier from the notebook.
well i don't mean any harm for this post, its just that thinking about the future makes me feel sad.
and it's because of so many things, so many circumstances involving you.
i know you know how i feel about you.
you've once joked about that before.
so no doubt about it.
but maybe you never realized how much truth there is in that little joke you made.
maybe you never realized that every step you took, i was there for you.
maybe you never realized, that every time you smiled at me, called my name, listened to what i said, i fell for you more.
more each day, each hour, each minute, each second i spent with you.
but at the end of the day, it'll be me who's missing you more.
every night before i sleep i think of you.
your oh-so-pretty face.
your lovely smile.
and the voice and laugh that i'd know wherever i would be.
i hope you know,
that all this time i've spent with you
will forever be cherished, treasured and remembered.
i know this sounds something like a goodbye,
and i have my reasons for this.
it's because i realized, that the time i'd be spending with you
will exponentially decrease in the coming days
specifically, the coming terms.
i love everything about you,
although i know that it'll be imposiible for me to have you
it's just that, right now
i'm missing you already.
always together, forever apart
- the notebook
10111
7/7/08
cuz we only got one night.
Forever - Chris Brown
Forever
Hey (eh)
Forever
Forever
Hey (eh)
Forever
It’s you, and me
Movin at the speed of light into eternity (yeah)
Tonight, is the night
To join me in the middle of ectacy
Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you (around you)
Ima take you there, Ima take you there
So don’t be scared, I’m right here, ya ready?
We can go anywhere
Go anywhere
But first, its your chance
Take my hand
Come with me
It’s like I waited my whole life
For this one night
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double you fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor
Feels like were on another level (ohh ahh)
Feels like our loves intertwine
We can be two rebels
Breakin the rules
Me and you
You and I
All you gotta do is watch me
Look what I can do with my feet, baby
Feel the beat inside
I’m drivin, you could take the front seat (front seat)
Just need you to trust me (trust me)
Girl girl girl
It’s like now
It’s like I waited my whole life (oh)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night (ohh)
Double you pleasure
Double your fun (yeah)
And dance forever ever ever (ohh)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever on the dance floor
It’s a long way down
We so high off the ground
Sendin for an angel to bring me your heart
Girl where did you come from?
Got me so undone
Gazin in your eyes got me sayin
What a beautiful lady
No ifs ands or maybes
I’m releasin my heart
And it’s feelin amazing
Theres no one else that matters
You love me
And I wont let you fall girl
Let you fall girl (ahh ohh oh oh yeah)
Yeah, I wont let you fall
Let you fall
Let you fall (ohh ohh)
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
It’s like
It’s like I waited my whole life (whole life)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (me you and the dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double your fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor
ohh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh yeah
Forever ever ever ever
Forever ever ohh
** nuff said. =D =D =D
10111
6/19/08
just a question.
a question to build a dreamer.
how will you know if someone likes you or they are just super mega over friendly???
10111
how will you know if someone likes you or they are just super mega over friendly???
10111
6/3/08
i REALLY neeed to write this down.
sometimes, there are things that you just couldn't help but write down.
and an example of that is this dream of mine. [i just woke up BTW, although its already 11:44 PM]
so usual day for me, went to school got home then i slept. and then it came. those inside the parentheses are my comments.
and an example of that is this dream of mine. [i just woke up BTW, although its already 11:44 PM]
so usual day for me, went to school got home then i slept. and then it came. those inside the parentheses are my comments.
it started like this. we, my friends and i, including her,(and i don't know why she's included) decided to go to CCP complex (and i don't know why either). we went there at around 6 PM and since it was June it was raining that night and it was dark (supposing there wasn't global warming). anyway after that we stayed there for a while, parked the car at some place then walked around (in the rain? haha dont blame me this was a dream). after walking around we went back to school. then we parted ways (my friends and i and her). after saying our goodbyes, we each went their ways and i asked her if she has a car or a ride home and she said yes she has a car. she then immediately asked me if i had a ride home since it was already about 8 or 9 PM. i said i'm commuting via LRT as usual. she then replied the most unexpected thing in the world. "gusto mo hatid kita?" (as if this would really happen). of course i said yes. she said ok but first we must make a stop over at her other house nearby (i don't know why she has 2 houses in this dream. haha). i really dont know why, but when we were going to her "other house" my friends also went with us. and during the trip to her house, in her car, WE HELD HANDS.
anyway, upon reaching her house everyone cleaned up (it's like were in a stupid roadtrip. haha). while we were cleaning up, of course i assisted her and surprisingly (again) she assisted me too. while she was wiping my face, (i wish this part was true, as well as the incoming part. haha) she told me that she was gonna put something in my face (i think it was a lotion or some facial stuff). i said sure, but she must also put the same stuff in her face (i kinda don't trust her. hahaha). well, she said sure but we both must close our eyes. and close our eyes we did and then she put the stuff in her face as well as mine. after a while we wiped down the remains of the stuff (eew) and still with our eyes closed, I KISSED HER (BOOOOOM! climax in your face! hahaha. AND I REALLY WISHED THIS WAS FUCKIN REAL!!!). she was shocked at what i did and then SHE HUGGED ME AS IF SHE WAS APPROVING OF ME KISSING HER (another BOOOOM! for me there. hahahaha. God i really wished this was effin REAL). opening our eyes after, we realized that our friends were watching us during both that superb unexpected moments. but the funny thing is, THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. haha. as if they expected us to just do that even though "hindi naman kami". anyway after that wonderful spontaneous moment of love surging through my body (or my subconccious mind, for the reality is this was just a dream. huhu) we went out of her house and this time, really parted ways. our friends went home, riding their cars and we she and i, went to her car. i dont know if this has some bearing or symbolic meaning but her car was an old car. just like the ones you see at filipino movies used by FPJ or other action stars get blown up? that was her car. it has no aircon so she drove with the windows down, with the coldness of the evening air gushing through our faces.
staying true to what she said, she brought me home (as if i was the girl. anyway, here comes the thriller part i always have in my dreams. lol). it was around 11PM when we reached my place and upon reaching our street, i saw our car at the street. my parents just arrived. so i asked her to make a detour and drop me just one block away so my parents won't see us. she drove the car around and exited our street. upon exiting, a mmda approached us and told us "ma'am, ser coding po kayo". i was like, "WTF?! it's 11PM and you are still checking around for coding vehicles?" we tried to talk to the officers (yes there were plenty of them, waiting for dinner i assume) but to no avail. we said we'd just pay them, and they we need to pay 800 pesos. being both "kuripot" we argued that we didn't have the money and that we just have 200 pesos. we forced the issue and threw the 200 pesos to them and then she stepped on the gas and started our escape (haha here we go). after a couple of minutes, we reached EDSA (it really is near our place) then i think her car broke down. it was an old one kc dba? so we went on foot, HOLDING HANDS, running together. after running a few meters, we looked back and saw that we were still being pursued so i told her we need to split ways (just like a stupid movie. hahaha) and told her to go "that" way where in she could then ride a bus going back to school then to her real home. when i saw that she were already in the bus, i waved GOODBYE then ran towards the direction of my house. there were still 3 of them running after me. i tried to lose them by hiding in the "hotels" around my place and the last thing i remembered was i shut myself into a cubicle in a comfort room.
END OF DREAM/NIGHTMARE.
well that was my dream. and while writing it down, i realized why some of the things in my dream happened, like the roadtrip stuff. anyway it really is a stupid one, but the ones i wrote down in capital letters, i wish it would come true even though i know that there is only 1/10000 chance that those things would happen for me.
10111
anyway, upon reaching her house everyone cleaned up (it's like were in a stupid roadtrip. haha). while we were cleaning up, of course i assisted her and surprisingly (again) she assisted me too. while she was wiping my face, (i wish this part was true, as well as the incoming part. haha) she told me that she was gonna put something in my face (i think it was a lotion or some facial stuff). i said sure, but she must also put the same stuff in her face (i kinda don't trust her. hahaha). well, she said sure but we both must close our eyes. and close our eyes we did and then she put the stuff in her face as well as mine. after a while we wiped down the remains of the stuff (eew) and still with our eyes closed, I KISSED HER (BOOOOOM! climax in your face! hahaha. AND I REALLY WISHED THIS WAS FUCKIN REAL!!!). she was shocked at what i did and then SHE HUGGED ME AS IF SHE WAS APPROVING OF ME KISSING HER (another BOOOOM! for me there. hahahaha. God i really wished this was effin REAL). opening our eyes after, we realized that our friends were watching us during both that superb unexpected moments. but the funny thing is, THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. haha. as if they expected us to just do that even though "hindi naman kami". anyway after that wonderful spontaneous moment of love surging through my body (or my subconccious mind, for the reality is this was just a dream. huhu) we went out of her house and this time, really parted ways. our friends went home, riding their cars and we she and i, went to her car. i dont know if this has some bearing or symbolic meaning but her car was an old car. just like the ones you see at filipino movies used by FPJ or other action stars get blown up? that was her car. it has no aircon so she drove with the windows down, with the coldness of the evening air gushing through our faces.
staying true to what she said, she brought me home (as if i was the girl. anyway, here comes the thriller part i always have in my dreams. lol). it was around 11PM when we reached my place and upon reaching our street, i saw our car at the street. my parents just arrived. so i asked her to make a detour and drop me just one block away so my parents won't see us. she drove the car around and exited our street. upon exiting, a mmda approached us and told us "ma'am, ser coding po kayo". i was like, "WTF?! it's 11PM and you are still checking around for coding vehicles?" we tried to talk to the officers (yes there were plenty of them, waiting for dinner i assume) but to no avail. we said we'd just pay them, and they we need to pay 800 pesos. being both "kuripot" we argued that we didn't have the money and that we just have 200 pesos. we forced the issue and threw the 200 pesos to them and then she stepped on the gas and started our escape (haha here we go). after a couple of minutes, we reached EDSA (it really is near our place) then i think her car broke down. it was an old one kc dba? so we went on foot, HOLDING HANDS, running together. after running a few meters, we looked back and saw that we were still being pursued so i told her we need to split ways (just like a stupid movie. hahaha) and told her to go "that" way where in she could then ride a bus going back to school then to her real home. when i saw that she were already in the bus, i waved GOODBYE then ran towards the direction of my house. there were still 3 of them running after me. i tried to lose them by hiding in the "hotels" around my place and the last thing i remembered was i shut myself into a cubicle in a comfort room.
END OF DREAM/NIGHTMARE.
well that was my dream. and while writing it down, i realized why some of the things in my dream happened, like the roadtrip stuff. anyway it really is a stupid one, but the ones i wrote down in capital letters, i wish it would come true even though i know that there is only 1/10000 chance that those things would happen for me.
10111
6/1/08
variable change.
always account for variable change.
that's a line coming from the movie "21". but how could you account for variable change so easily when change comes unexpectedly?
that's a line coming from the movie "21". but how could you account for variable change so easily when change comes unexpectedly?
coming off from summer and the first week of classes, i started to feel a bit confused about things. of course, the thing i was most confused is when i think about her. me. and us. i know for a fact that we will never be. and this is why sometimes, i just wake up in the morning feeling all hyped up telling myself starting now, im gonna forget about her. but how can you forget about her when fate gives you every reason not to? all this things happening to us both makes me crazy. just when you are at that moment, when you are sure of yourself that at last you've got her out of your system, fate and destiny just gives the both of you time to be together. just when you thought that she's never gonna affect you and your feelings again, life just gives you another experience wherein you start to fall for her all over again. i'm pretty sure that compared to what i feel towards her, her feelings for me is so small that it is negligible. i know she'll never see me the way i see her. not in my lifetime. i just want to get out of this room. a room filled with your smiles and pictures. a room filled with the sound of your voice as well as your laughter. a room filled with you.
i just want to be able to account for variable change, and not get too emotional when you are around.
10111
i just want to be able to account for variable change, and not get too emotional when you are around.
10111
5/9/08
random stuff.
Back.
Been a while since i last blogged here. Checking, i realize that my last blog was written last Novemeber 07. I really don't know why I stopped blogging. Maybe lack of interest. Or maybe I just can't share the things I feel like I used to for so many various reasons. Reasons that keep even myself from realizing what I really feel towards something/someone. Whatever.
Anyway, I feel so confused these past few days. Sometimes I just feel crappy, cranky, sad, hurt and all other negative feelings all at the same time. And maybe that is the reason why I'm back here. I am once again seeking refuge, comfort and peace of mind on these blank pages which had once made me transfer those negative feelings into the electronic world. Into the eyes of strangers which would probably not care. Maybe I'm just some sad kid writing what he feels for them, but I don't care. What people think usually matters for me, but this time, once again, it will not matter.
This may be a pretty long entry since I have so many things to write about. Or maybe, if I get bored/sleepy I'd cut this entry into pieces.
Since the start of summer I had so many questions. The daily train trips alone can make a person feel this way. Sometimes a question just pops out of your head out of nowhere while staring at the blank faces of other people in the train. One question I received from the mysterious beyond is this: Can you really forget about someone whom you have already loved? I know people tend to say, "i forgot about him/her" or "i've moved on" but can people really do that? Not that this is my present situation but i just thought about that. Thinking for a while made me realize that yes people can forget about someone since forgetting happens in the mind, but deep inside you will always have a sepcial feeling for someone whom you have loved. I don't know. I'm no psychologist or something but I really think it works this way. I think that you can only forget someone but never "un-love" them. Again, whatever. These are just random stuff coming from me.
Well maybe that's it for now. I'm too lazy to spill about my feelings right now. I know "she" won't ever chance upon this pages but laziness is overpoewring me so I'll write about it someother time. I hope I'll be back here soon, unlike last time. Well, whatever.
10111
Anyway, I feel so confused these past few days. Sometimes I just feel crappy, cranky, sad, hurt and all other negative feelings all at the same time. And maybe that is the reason why I'm back here. I am once again seeking refuge, comfort and peace of mind on these blank pages which had once made me transfer those negative feelings into the electronic world. Into the eyes of strangers which would probably not care. Maybe I'm just some sad kid writing what he feels for them, but I don't care. What people think usually matters for me, but this time, once again, it will not matter.
This may be a pretty long entry since I have so many things to write about. Or maybe, if I get bored/sleepy I'd cut this entry into pieces.
Since the start of summer I had so many questions. The daily train trips alone can make a person feel this way. Sometimes a question just pops out of your head out of nowhere while staring at the blank faces of other people in the train. One question I received from the mysterious beyond is this: Can you really forget about someone whom you have already loved? I know people tend to say, "i forgot about him/her" or "i've moved on" but can people really do that? Not that this is my present situation but i just thought about that. Thinking for a while made me realize that yes people can forget about someone since forgetting happens in the mind, but deep inside you will always have a sepcial feeling for someone whom you have loved. I don't know. I'm no psychologist or something but I really think it works this way. I think that you can only forget someone but never "un-love" them. Again, whatever. These are just random stuff coming from me.
Well maybe that's it for now. I'm too lazy to spill about my feelings right now. I know "she" won't ever chance upon this pages but laziness is overpoewring me so I'll write about it someother time. I hope I'll be back here soon, unlike last time. Well, whatever.
10111
11/2/07
still dreaming.
this is just a dream.
i know it.
i just wish that when i wake up.
i'd have you for real.
10111
i know it.
i just wish that when i wake up.
i'd have you for real.
10111
10/28/07
sunday is the day.
i don't know why but for me sunday is the day where i get so emotional. not the kind that you start cryin' and stuff, but every sunday i always think about a certain girl or "the" certain girl. may it be my present gf at that time or someone i like. maybe it's because during sunday night, wave 89.1 and magic 89.9 play r&b/senti music. it's not that i don't want it, im just writing this entry to explain this habit of mine.
like today, at this exact moment, im listening to these kind of music while thinking of "her". haha. funny how i start thinking of someone i really am not related to. but i like her. i really do. and recent events led me to liking her even more. i don't know what the word is. may it be infatuation, crush, admiration or whatever. use whatever word available, but im liking this feeling. i like it coz it helps me look at the good side of life. anticipating tomorrow and waiting for the future, it's all good. ^_^
and now im missin her. haha.
10111
like today, at this exact moment, im listening to these kind of music while thinking of "her". haha. funny how i start thinking of someone i really am not related to. but i like her. i really do. and recent events led me to liking her even more. i don't know what the word is. may it be infatuation, crush, admiration or whatever. use whatever word available, but im liking this feeling. i like it coz it helps me look at the good side of life. anticipating tomorrow and waiting for the future, it's all good. ^_^
and now im missin her. haha.
10111
10/16/07
been a while.
been a while since i posted something here.
maybe i was just not in the mood to write.
or to express my confusion about myself.
last night.
i dreamt of someone.
a girl.
i know her.
and i like her.
the last time i saw her was about 2 or 3 yrs ago so,
i don't know why i dreamt of her,
but in my dream
she came back from where she is right now.
came back here.
with me.
and now, i'm missing her.
and i don't know why.
all day, i thought about her.
even though there's no chance that she's thinkin' of me too.
im so lost.
i need saving.
then again, a knock on my ym.
someone went online.
and i was lost even more.
here it goes again.
my head spinning.
my heart beating fast.
the feeling of not knowing what to do.
the fear of being rejected,
all over again.
the thought of what might have been.
and everything negative follows.
analcom tomorrow.
cocirfu on friday.
hell of a night for me,
on a hell week.
10111
maybe i was just not in the mood to write.
or to express my confusion about myself.
last night.
i dreamt of someone.
a girl.
i know her.
and i like her.
the last time i saw her was about 2 or 3 yrs ago so,
i don't know why i dreamt of her,
but in my dream
she came back from where she is right now.
came back here.
with me.
and now, i'm missing her.
and i don't know why.
all day, i thought about her.
even though there's no chance that she's thinkin' of me too.
im so lost.
i need saving.
then again, a knock on my ym.
someone went online.
and i was lost even more.
here it goes again.
my head spinning.
my heart beating fast.
the feeling of not knowing what to do.
the fear of being rejected,
all over again.
the thought of what might have been.
and everything negative follows.
analcom tomorrow.
cocirfu on friday.
hell of a night for me,
on a hell week.
10111
9/15/07
hate this.
current situation:
IM window is open, but i can't say or type anything. im just staring at my pc, with an IM window to her open. but can't say a thing. i know i've said that i should take risks. actually, she also said that we should take the risk. but i can't. i don't know what the hell is holding me back. maybe the fear of being rejected by this someone whom i admire. i don't want history repeating itself, (even though technically it really does repeat.) and be rejected again and again and again. im just starting to put my heart back together and yet here i am, deciding if i should take this risk.
hate this.
10111
IM window is open, but i can't say or type anything. im just staring at my pc, with an IM window to her open. but can't say a thing. i know i've said that i should take risks. actually, she also said that we should take the risk. but i can't. i don't know what the hell is holding me back. maybe the fear of being rejected by this someone whom i admire. i don't want history repeating itself, (even though technically it really does repeat.) and be rejected again and again and again. im just starting to put my heart back together and yet here i am, deciding if i should take this risk.
hate this.
10111
9/12/07
quest to happiness.
all this time, i walk the world unaware of what is happening around me except for you and for you alone. and now, as i start to live my life, i get blinded by the light of life that i have neglected a million times before because i was contented with my life back then and never wanted to go out of my comfort zones. and as i shield my eyes from this new phenomenon in my life i realize that i wanted to accept the light. the sun brings with it the flame of keeping our dreams alive. dreams which are really meant for us if we are strong enough to accept the challenge and fight for it.
but is it that easy?
no.
it will never be easy for everyone. people who fight for what they want tend to suffer more than those people who do not go out of their comfort zones. we never realize that the risks we ought to take are the ones who will teach us and guide us through our daily lives. through the next step of achieving happiness which everyone wishes for.
last monday, a professor said that the quest to happiness is through morality.
i say it's not.
the quest to happiness is through love.
i think, that the quest for happiness cannot be something that is governed by a set of rules to follow. there is no equation to happiness. and the only real thing which will help us through this quest is if we see God in our daily lives. appreciate the signs he gives us in order for us to be successful in our quest. we must always believe that God, which is our mother and father, will always want what is best for us. and God is love. therefore we need to see each blessing God gives us, allow ourselves to take risks and to find out how much more we can go. we must also allow love to consume our soul. even though we may look crazy, sound insane or be laughed at, we must still push through if we think it is what will make us happy.
this is my own definition of the quest to happiness.
10111
but is it that easy?
no.
it will never be easy for everyone. people who fight for what they want tend to suffer more than those people who do not go out of their comfort zones. we never realize that the risks we ought to take are the ones who will teach us and guide us through our daily lives. through the next step of achieving happiness which everyone wishes for.
last monday, a professor said that the quest to happiness is through morality.
i say it's not.
the quest to happiness is through love.
i think, that the quest for happiness cannot be something that is governed by a set of rules to follow. there is no equation to happiness. and the only real thing which will help us through this quest is if we see God in our daily lives. appreciate the signs he gives us in order for us to be successful in our quest. we must always believe that God, which is our mother and father, will always want what is best for us. and God is love. therefore we need to see each blessing God gives us, allow ourselves to take risks and to find out how much more we can go. we must also allow love to consume our soul. even though we may look crazy, sound insane or be laughed at, we must still push through if we think it is what will make us happy.
this is my own definition of the quest to happiness.
10111
9/6/07
try again.
how i wish i had someone right now.
someone to talk to, and share this pain i feel. i hate being alone, but i'm used to it. and i dont want to live each coming day of my life on a routine. i need to find something/someone that makes me happy. a while back, i had this something. i had love. but now, everything's gone. whatever happened to this love i dont know. things just went out of hand. and now, i'm asking stupid questions to myself.
did i do my best to keep that someone close to me?
did i fight for her through the end?
did i exert enought effort to make me say to myself that i've done enough?
did i show you how much i wanted you to stay?
are these questions a reflection of my regret?
is this a mirror image of what i've become?
God help me if it is so. coz i don't know what to do with my life till i figure out what i want right now. i don't expect people to understand me. specially the one i'm referring to here. but i miss everything. that's why i'm writing this. im pouring my heart out to these pages. this is my outlet. the loneliness that covers me, from head to toe is something that cannot be cured by pills.
guess i never did show you how much you mean to me, coz if i did, then these letters wouldn't find their way to this blog.
i need to see the light. the light that will bring me back to my life. i don't wanna be on autopilot for the rest of my life.
i need my life back.
and how to get it back, is my biggest problem.
new term's comin' up. don't know what to expect. but one thing i'm sure about is that im gonna try to start to live my life.
again.
10111
someone to talk to, and share this pain i feel. i hate being alone, but i'm used to it. and i dont want to live each coming day of my life on a routine. i need to find something/someone that makes me happy. a while back, i had this something. i had love. but now, everything's gone. whatever happened to this love i dont know. things just went out of hand. and now, i'm asking stupid questions to myself.
did i do my best to keep that someone close to me?
did i fight for her through the end?
did i exert enought effort to make me say to myself that i've done enough?
did i show you how much i wanted you to stay?
are these questions a reflection of my regret?
is this a mirror image of what i've become?
God help me if it is so. coz i don't know what to do with my life till i figure out what i want right now. i don't expect people to understand me. specially the one i'm referring to here. but i miss everything. that's why i'm writing this. im pouring my heart out to these pages. this is my outlet. the loneliness that covers me, from head to toe is something that cannot be cured by pills.
guess i never did show you how much you mean to me, coz if i did, then these letters wouldn't find their way to this blog.
i need to see the light. the light that will bring me back to my life. i don't wanna be on autopilot for the rest of my life.
i need my life back.
and how to get it back, is my biggest problem.
new term's comin' up. don't know what to expect. but one thing i'm sure about is that im gonna try to start to live my life.
again.
10111
8/30/07
stress.
this is what i call "too much stress".
finals.
projects.
unexpected feelings. (?)
damn it.
yeah mix it up real good.
and before you know it,
you're down
and back to your bed.
10111
finals.
projects.
unexpected feelings. (?)
damn it.
yeah mix it up real good.
and before you know it,
you're down
and back to your bed.
10111
8/20/07
up there.
how do you reach someone who's way up there in the sky?
how will you know if that person's worth another risk?
when do you start taking these risks?
when do you stop?
and
how do you cope up, if you fail?
10111
how will you know if that person's worth another risk?
when do you start taking these risks?
when do you stop?
and
how do you cope up, if you fail?
10111
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