war of the mind and the heart.

my heart,
the confused one,

does not know what to feel anymore. whenever ur not around, it is contented. whenever i see you, talk to you and laugh with you, it feels so happy. but whenever you leave, and we part ways, there is a sudden change in what it feels. loneliness creeps and embraces my heart. it feels abandoned and it tells me that i should've done more during the time i spent with you. more than just talk and joke around. it is not contented with what happens between us. it bleeds for satisfaction. it calls out for love's warmth to break the cold floor of loneliness. it does not care for right or wrong. it just wants to be happy.

my mind,
the rational one,

gives me the bigger picture. it tells me the realities that coincide with what i feel but it does not give an explanation. it tells me that i should not do anything because it is not the right thing to do. because if i do, i'd cause trouble. if i dare, and step across the line, she'd go away and avoid me for life. it tells my heart to be contented with what is happening. and JUST BE contented. it also tells me that i should just point my attention to other things. to some other girl. but when i look i around and try to find "another", i see no one. emptiness is all around me.

and so as it is, my heart and my mind is in constant anarchy. my body and my soul does not know what to do anymore. who to follow. who to heed. how do you cope up with this?

seeing you is luck,
talking to you is a gift,
being with you is a blessing

10111

eyes.

your eyes are like stars.

and every time you look at me.

you mesmerize me.

keeping me rooted to the spot.

it can also predict the future.

and i see in it.

that we will never be together.

10111

torn between nothing at all.

it was a dark day.
the day you left me.
i always thought, it would be easy to let you go.
but it was not.

then, just like dawn.
light shined on me.
months after that dark day.
another came.
but i knew this was different.
i knew there can be nothing expected from this.

but just like that.
everything went on rampage.
my heart kept calling out.
for you. and. for you.
my heart kept beating.
for me.
or maybe it's the other way around.
my heart calls for me.
and my heart beats for the two of you.

anyway.
i can never expect something from you.
and you.
i know there's always an option.
a choice for everything.
but maybe right now, there is no choice for me.
no choice including you two.

since you two have your own lives to worry about.
maybe i'll just stay right here.
on the outside of love.
on the outskirts of your worlds.
this is how it's been.
and maybe, how it always will be.

maybe i'll just wait.
till one of you calls upon me.
till one of you notice how i feel.
or maybe.
until another one comes around.
who will be much more deserving of my attention.

to the love.
that goes unnoticed.

10111

time.

when will it be that your eyes will shine for me?
when will it be that your smile be made for me?
when will it be that your lips will touch mine?
when will it be that your head will rest on my shoulder?
when will we share our dreams to each other and build our future together?
when will i hold you close and hug you and tell you that everything's gonna be fine?
when will i wake up in bed and see you right there, soundly sleeping beside me?
when will we walk down the beach, holdin hands, and owning each other's forever?
when will you ask me if your dress looks good on you?
when will my hand write a letter to you?

when will it be me?

10111

worlds apart.

i know we're worlds apart.
but i can't help myself.
i guess no one can.
feelings like this are inevitable.
we always seek the impossible things.
some people pursue, some people give up.
me. i dont know.
i really dont know.
coz as i said.
we are worlds apart.
but just like the moon and the sun.
they have their eclipse.
a time when they meet at one point or another.
but this does not happen regulary.
i guess. i can never expect something to happen.
between you and me.
i guess. i'll just be happy.
for what has happened.
and if ever, for what will happen.
things change.
but i hope, change comes to my aid this time.
i shall try to supress my feelings.
so it does not grow or mature.
but if ever i can't.
i apologize in advance.

10111