current situation:
IM window is open, but i can't say or type anything. im just staring at my pc, with an IM window to her open. but can't say a thing. i know i've said that i should take risks. actually, she also said that we should take the risk. but i can't. i don't know what the hell is holding me back. maybe the fear of being rejected by this someone whom i admire. i don't want history repeating itself, (even though technically it really does repeat.) and be rejected again and again and again. im just starting to put my heart back together and yet here i am, deciding if i should take this risk.
hate this.
10111
9/15/07
9/12/07
quest to happiness.
all this time, i walk the world unaware of what is happening around me except for you and for you alone. and now, as i start to live my life, i get blinded by the light of life that i have neglected a million times before because i was contented with my life back then and never wanted to go out of my comfort zones. and as i shield my eyes from this new phenomenon in my life i realize that i wanted to accept the light. the sun brings with it the flame of keeping our dreams alive. dreams which are really meant for us if we are strong enough to accept the challenge and fight for it.
but is it that easy?
no.
it will never be easy for everyone. people who fight for what they want tend to suffer more than those people who do not go out of their comfort zones. we never realize that the risks we ought to take are the ones who will teach us and guide us through our daily lives. through the next step of achieving happiness which everyone wishes for.
last monday, a professor said that the quest to happiness is through morality.
i say it's not.
the quest to happiness is through love.
i think, that the quest for happiness cannot be something that is governed by a set of rules to follow. there is no equation to happiness. and the only real thing which will help us through this quest is if we see God in our daily lives. appreciate the signs he gives us in order for us to be successful in our quest. we must always believe that God, which is our mother and father, will always want what is best for us. and God is love. therefore we need to see each blessing God gives us, allow ourselves to take risks and to find out how much more we can go. we must also allow love to consume our soul. even though we may look crazy, sound insane or be laughed at, we must still push through if we think it is what will make us happy.
this is my own definition of the quest to happiness.
10111
but is it that easy?
no.
it will never be easy for everyone. people who fight for what they want tend to suffer more than those people who do not go out of their comfort zones. we never realize that the risks we ought to take are the ones who will teach us and guide us through our daily lives. through the next step of achieving happiness which everyone wishes for.
last monday, a professor said that the quest to happiness is through morality.
i say it's not.
the quest to happiness is through love.
i think, that the quest for happiness cannot be something that is governed by a set of rules to follow. there is no equation to happiness. and the only real thing which will help us through this quest is if we see God in our daily lives. appreciate the signs he gives us in order for us to be successful in our quest. we must always believe that God, which is our mother and father, will always want what is best for us. and God is love. therefore we need to see each blessing God gives us, allow ourselves to take risks and to find out how much more we can go. we must also allow love to consume our soul. even though we may look crazy, sound insane or be laughed at, we must still push through if we think it is what will make us happy.
this is my own definition of the quest to happiness.
10111
9/6/07
try again.
how i wish i had someone right now.
someone to talk to, and share this pain i feel. i hate being alone, but i'm used to it. and i dont want to live each coming day of my life on a routine. i need to find something/someone that makes me happy. a while back, i had this something. i had love. but now, everything's gone. whatever happened to this love i dont know. things just went out of hand. and now, i'm asking stupid questions to myself.
did i do my best to keep that someone close to me?
did i fight for her through the end?
did i exert enought effort to make me say to myself that i've done enough?
did i show you how much i wanted you to stay?
are these questions a reflection of my regret?
is this a mirror image of what i've become?
God help me if it is so. coz i don't know what to do with my life till i figure out what i want right now. i don't expect people to understand me. specially the one i'm referring to here. but i miss everything. that's why i'm writing this. im pouring my heart out to these pages. this is my outlet. the loneliness that covers me, from head to toe is something that cannot be cured by pills.
guess i never did show you how much you mean to me, coz if i did, then these letters wouldn't find their way to this blog.
i need to see the light. the light that will bring me back to my life. i don't wanna be on autopilot for the rest of my life.
i need my life back.
and how to get it back, is my biggest problem.
new term's comin' up. don't know what to expect. but one thing i'm sure about is that im gonna try to start to live my life.
again.
10111
someone to talk to, and share this pain i feel. i hate being alone, but i'm used to it. and i dont want to live each coming day of my life on a routine. i need to find something/someone that makes me happy. a while back, i had this something. i had love. but now, everything's gone. whatever happened to this love i dont know. things just went out of hand. and now, i'm asking stupid questions to myself.
did i do my best to keep that someone close to me?
did i fight for her through the end?
did i exert enought effort to make me say to myself that i've done enough?
did i show you how much i wanted you to stay?
are these questions a reflection of my regret?
is this a mirror image of what i've become?
God help me if it is so. coz i don't know what to do with my life till i figure out what i want right now. i don't expect people to understand me. specially the one i'm referring to here. but i miss everything. that's why i'm writing this. im pouring my heart out to these pages. this is my outlet. the loneliness that covers me, from head to toe is something that cannot be cured by pills.
guess i never did show you how much you mean to me, coz if i did, then these letters wouldn't find their way to this blog.
i need to see the light. the light that will bring me back to my life. i don't wanna be on autopilot for the rest of my life.
i need my life back.
and how to get it back, is my biggest problem.
new term's comin' up. don't know what to expect. but one thing i'm sure about is that im gonna try to start to live my life.
again.
10111
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