try again.

how i wish i had someone right now.

someone to talk to, and share this pain i feel. i hate being alone, but i'm used to it. and i dont want to live each coming day of my life on a routine. i need to find something/someone that makes me happy. a while back, i had this something. i had love. but now, everything's gone. whatever happened to this love i dont know. things just went out of hand. and now, i'm asking stupid questions to myself.

did i do my best to keep that someone close to me?
did i fight for her through the end?
did i exert enought effort to make me say to myself that i've done enough?
did i show you how much i wanted you to stay?

are these questions a reflection of my regret?
is this a mirror image of what i've become?

God help me if it is so. coz i don't know what to do with my life till i figure out what i want right now. i don't expect people to understand me. specially the one i'm referring to here. but i miss everything. that's why i'm writing this. im pouring my heart out to these pages. this is my outlet. the loneliness that covers me, from head to toe is something that cannot be cured by pills.

guess i never did show you how much you mean to me, coz if i did, then these letters wouldn't find their way to this blog.

i need to see the light. the light that will bring me back to my life. i don't wanna be on autopilot for the rest of my life.

i need my life back.

and how to get it back, is my biggest problem.

new term's comin' up. don't know what to expect. but one thing i'm sure about is that im gonna try to start to live my life.

again.

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