please.
wake me up.
before I fall even more in love with you.
10111
11/6/08
10/14/08
soon.
I'm about to burst. And it's happening real soon. I can't hide this feeling anymore. The more I hide it, the more pain it gives me. You see, it's 5:04AM, I have so much things to do like reviewing for a quiz, a paper, an assignment and a lab report but I'm here writing about you. It's just not right anymore. I mean, why am I like this? My heart is in pain almost 24/7 just by thinking about things about you. In the first place, the problem with me is I think about the negative things. I know I should not think about those but I'm sorry if I do. It's just that I'm a bit overprotective of people that I love. And those people include you. I know you know how I feel about you. Yes, I've said this a million times, in a million blogs, and told it to a million people but I just can't stop thinking of how you and I could stay like this even though deep inside our hearts we know that there is something to begin with. Maybe that feeling of having somethings is just my imagination, or maybe it's one sided with me just being the one having feelings but I don't care. All I care about is you, and things that could help me make you happy. Things that could help me see your pretty smile every single time you are with me.
I am being consumed by my love for you.
Last night, I tried to keep you away from my thoughts by sleeping, but as usual, you simply pop up in my dreams and then wake me up with tears in my eyes. Then I realize, that for the nth time in my life, I'm missing you.
I miss your eyes.
Yesterday, I saw through your eyes, again. Your brown eyes which could tell me everything. It could, but then again, I am no psychic to know everything. I really love those eyes. They are perfect orbs of goldish brown which mystifies me every single time I look into them. You take me to places I've never been and I get lost in the dreams which your two eyes present. Your eyes shine like the sun. And a long time ago, it started to be my sun. A symbol of something that could make my day complete. A symbol of hope and a symbol of something that warms me up when all I could feel was pain and loneliness.
I miss your touch, I miss your laughter, I miss your smile.
These things are the things I really miss the most. They are the symbol of your happiness and joy. And they are what keeps me going. Seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, having simple moments wherein you touch my hand, it really makes someone like me happy. Someone who cares so much not only about you, but also for your happiness. Someone who would give anything just to see you smile on days wherein you are in pain, in doubt and in the deepest and loneliest part of yoour life. I never wanted anything more than your happiness. To hear your laughter makes me happy. So in a sense, by making you happy, I inject happiness in my system as well. A system wherein you are the blood that keeps me alive.
I miss the scent of your hair, I miss the sound of your voice.
A scent and a sound. These things appeal to your senses, and I've already attuned mine to yours. I miss that scent of your hair whenever yoou come near. The scent of shampoo or conditioner which I would've known wherever I could be. I miss that crystal voice of yours, the way you talk, the way you assert yourself and the way you present your weird ideas to me. Just like your scent, I could've known your voice a sheer 10 km away. I would've turn my head just by hearing you snort or call my name. Whatever sound you make, it has been recorded in my system and I would know just by hearing them that it's you.
And I miss everything. Everything about you. Every simple detail that is left unsaid. The white lines in your hair, the moles in your face, your fingers and toes, your clothes, your bag, your ballpen, the way you look when you concentrate..literally everything. Evrything about you. And I miss them, because I love you. And I would always will until the time comes when there is nothing left in this world to keep me going. No more possibilities, no more chances, no more opportunities. And I hope that that time would never come, because if it did come, then I would cease to exist.
Because what you are to me, is what life is to each and every human being in this world.
I love you.
10111
I am being consumed by my love for you.
Last night, I tried to keep you away from my thoughts by sleeping, but as usual, you simply pop up in my dreams and then wake me up with tears in my eyes. Then I realize, that for the nth time in my life, I'm missing you.
I miss your eyes.
Yesterday, I saw through your eyes, again. Your brown eyes which could tell me everything. It could, but then again, I am no psychic to know everything. I really love those eyes. They are perfect orbs of goldish brown which mystifies me every single time I look into them. You take me to places I've never been and I get lost in the dreams which your two eyes present. Your eyes shine like the sun. And a long time ago, it started to be my sun. A symbol of something that could make my day complete. A symbol of hope and a symbol of something that warms me up when all I could feel was pain and loneliness.
I miss your touch, I miss your laughter, I miss your smile.
These things are the things I really miss the most. They are the symbol of your happiness and joy. And they are what keeps me going. Seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, having simple moments wherein you touch my hand, it really makes someone like me happy. Someone who cares so much not only about you, but also for your happiness. Someone who would give anything just to see you smile on days wherein you are in pain, in doubt and in the deepest and loneliest part of yoour life. I never wanted anything more than your happiness. To hear your laughter makes me happy. So in a sense, by making you happy, I inject happiness in my system as well. A system wherein you are the blood that keeps me alive.
I miss the scent of your hair, I miss the sound of your voice.
A scent and a sound. These things appeal to your senses, and I've already attuned mine to yours. I miss that scent of your hair whenever yoou come near. The scent of shampoo or conditioner which I would've known wherever I could be. I miss that crystal voice of yours, the way you talk, the way you assert yourself and the way you present your weird ideas to me. Just like your scent, I could've known your voice a sheer 10 km away. I would've turn my head just by hearing you snort or call my name. Whatever sound you make, it has been recorded in my system and I would know just by hearing them that it's you.
And I miss everything. Everything about you. Every simple detail that is left unsaid. The white lines in your hair, the moles in your face, your fingers and toes, your clothes, your bag, your ballpen, the way you look when you concentrate..literally everything. Evrything about you. And I miss them, because I love you. And I would always will until the time comes when there is nothing left in this world to keep me going. No more possibilities, no more chances, no more opportunities. And I hope that that time would never come, because if it did come, then I would cease to exist.
Because what you are to me, is what life is to each and every human being in this world.
I love you.
10111
10/10/08
this is hard.
I just can't contain it anymore.
Why does it have to be this way.
You're too hard to resist.
I wanna tell it to you.
Tell you how much you mean to me.
But I'm also supressing it.
Because that's what my mind tells me.
But my heart wants to act differently.
I hope she can save me.
And if she does, I'd give her my all.
Then maybe, just maybe, I'll forget about you.
10111
Why does it have to be this way.
You're too hard to resist.
I wanna tell it to you.
Tell you how much you mean to me.
But I'm also supressing it.
Because that's what my mind tells me.
But my heart wants to act differently.
I hope she can save me.
And if she does, I'd give her my all.
Then maybe, just maybe, I'll forget about you.
10111
10/9/08
how much harder can this get?
Once again, I come here to escape. Escape the limelight and open information that YM and Multiply has to offer a single individual. But then again I come to these pages to seek refuge or comfort that a single unknown web blog could offer me. A single individual who's feelings are open to the whole wide world except for the only one to whom those feelings are for. So here I am again, trying to fill out these pages with honest letters until my longing for something or someone to comfort the real me is satisfied. I really don't know why, but I can't seem to find a single person who realizes what I really feel. People around me know what I'm going through but still I can't find someone who has the capability to give me a good advice to start with. I struggle everyday with these feelings which I keep from her, yet no one knows how much pain it is to put a brave face in front of her.
Well I know she won't ever visit this page. If ever she would, then she would know the real me. The feelings I have for her as well as those in my mind. To get things straight I want to take out this statement out of my system. I love you. Yes I do. But this love is different. It's not yet the love that could be considered 100% but still it is love. I am or should I say was ready to give you everything. You are my dream and I know you know it. I know you may have noticed but you keep silent. We still do things we always do as if there is nothing in between us. But there is something. There is this issue which none of us can speak freely about. We walk around as good friends, close friends perhaps as if I don't have a special feeling for you. I know your just trying to my feelings hidden by not talking about it since you've got someone and I understand it. I really do because I know my place in your world. And I know that there is just a little chance that I can be in that world of yours. I can never be enough for you. I know that. I'm not denying that simple fact even if it hurts.
But there are problems surrounding these facts. The fact that I love you as well as the fact that I can never be enough. I don't know where or when I started to love you. But this love is keeping me from getting out of my comfort zone. Because inside this comfort zone, there you are. Standing happily with me. There you are sitting across from me, smiling your pretty smile. There you are walking with me, laughing and joking about your stupid ideas which are really something to laugh about. But still, that is my comfort zone. And I want to get out. To get out to the world, take risks and love someone else. And now, when I've found this someone, the true battle begins. An internal conflict wherein I am subjected to the idea of present love which I can have right now, right at this moment. Or a love in the future, a love where there is no guarantee of having. A love which will only lay vain to waiting if it does not work out.
Then I now have two options.
Option 1: To force my way out of my comfort zone (wherein you stand, sit and walk with me) and seek the girl, seek this certain girl that I could have right now. I could opt to do this and be happy now and for all eternity. I must say, for the sake of people reading this blog, that this girl I am talking about is equally beautiful to the one I am talking about above. Well this justification came from me and my my eyes only. I have not yet subjected both to opinions from other people. But getting back to this option, if I choose this one, I would be presented by happiness which I always have wanted. There are no heavy setbacks yet. No negative effects that I can see in this option. Only positive things. The only problem that I see is the one that is bothering me. And even though this would not be read, I would not want that one to go out. Not unless she knows how I feel for her.
Option 2: To stay here in my comfort zone. Stay here and be with you. Be the good friend. The close friend, and as much as possible, be the best friend. I could choose this one, and stay like this for some time. Until the specific or right time comes when I could possibly tell her how I feel about her. Tell her honestly everything she needs to know. But as the nature of this option has a great result, there also is a great disadvantage. I could be rejected or accepted by her wherein there is a larger chance to be rejected than to be accepted. This is a major risk which is the result of me staying in my comfort zone and enjoying her company for the present. This could make or break my future. But the good thing about this is that if ever I choose this one and be accepted, I could have her. But that's way too far to talk about yet. I frequenctly think about it, and dream about it and it makes me happy. By just thinking about those possible futures I can have with her, it makes my heart jump.
But then again, even though I already love her, I think I would opt to choose the first one. My love for her is not that deep yet, so before I fall even deeper into her spell that sucks me in, I would try to break free and go for the happiness that is waiting for me right about now. The only problem is, I care for this girl too much to let her go completely. I know it would be unfair for the other girl that I would be pursuing for me having this feeling for another someone but I promise to try and keep that feeling away. This blog would serve as that promise. When the time comes that I'd already have this new girl, a new someone to make me happy then I would honestly tell her everything. Let her read this a proof that I would be into her 100%.
And I hope that that time comes soon. There is so much more that I wanted to say but as a student, I still have so many things to do. One example is the issue that I have been keeping from her, and maybe I'll spill that out some other time.
10111
8/14/08
smiles.
"cause it only hurts when you cry,
I'm only sad when there's tears in your eyes."
-When You Cry by Vertical Horizon
your smile is everything.
yes it really is.
believe me.
you don't know how much joy and happiness you give me,
just by flashing me that very beautiful smile of yours.
and when I say beautiful, it really is beautiful.
and oh, every one of your smile is unique in a way.
it's expressive.
I don't care whether I am the reason you smile or someone else,
I really am just happy knowing that when you're with me, you smile.
it makes everything for me much easier,
bearable.
and it gives me the difference that I always want to have,
in each and every moment spent with you.
goodnight. it really was a good one.
thanks.
10111
I'm only sad when there's tears in your eyes."
-When You Cry by Vertical Horizon
your smile is everything.
yes it really is.
believe me.
you don't know how much joy and happiness you give me,
just by flashing me that very beautiful smile of yours.
and when I say beautiful, it really is beautiful.
and oh, every one of your smile is unique in a way.
it's expressive.
I don't care whether I am the reason you smile or someone else,
I really am just happy knowing that when you're with me, you smile.
it makes everything for me much easier,
bearable.
and it gives me the difference that I always want to have,
in each and every moment spent with you.
goodnight. it really was a good one.
thanks.
10111
8/9/08
missing you already.
always together, forever apart.
this one line, i've read earlier from the notebook.
well i don't mean any harm for this post, its just that thinking about the future makes me feel sad.
and it's because of so many things, so many circumstances involving you.
i know you know how i feel about you.
you've once joked about that before.
so no doubt about it.
but maybe you never realized how much truth there is in that little joke you made.
maybe you never realized that every step you took, i was there for you.
maybe you never realized, that every time you smiled at me, called my name, listened to what i said, i fell for you more.
more each day, each hour, each minute, each second i spent with you.
but at the end of the day, it'll be me who's missing you more.
every night before i sleep i think of you.
your oh-so-pretty face.
your lovely smile.
and the voice and laugh that i'd know wherever i would be.
i hope you know,
that all this time i've spent with you
will forever be cherished, treasured and remembered.
i know this sounds something like a goodbye,
and i have my reasons for this.
it's because i realized, that the time i'd be spending with you
will exponentially decrease in the coming days
specifically, the coming terms.
i love everything about you,
although i know that it'll be imposiible for me to have you
it's just that, right now
i'm missing you already.
always together, forever apart
- the notebook
10111
this one line, i've read earlier from the notebook.
well i don't mean any harm for this post, its just that thinking about the future makes me feel sad.
and it's because of so many things, so many circumstances involving you.
i know you know how i feel about you.
you've once joked about that before.
so no doubt about it.
but maybe you never realized how much truth there is in that little joke you made.
maybe you never realized that every step you took, i was there for you.
maybe you never realized, that every time you smiled at me, called my name, listened to what i said, i fell for you more.
more each day, each hour, each minute, each second i spent with you.
but at the end of the day, it'll be me who's missing you more.
every night before i sleep i think of you.
your oh-so-pretty face.
your lovely smile.
and the voice and laugh that i'd know wherever i would be.
i hope you know,
that all this time i've spent with you
will forever be cherished, treasured and remembered.
i know this sounds something like a goodbye,
and i have my reasons for this.
it's because i realized, that the time i'd be spending with you
will exponentially decrease in the coming days
specifically, the coming terms.
i love everything about you,
although i know that it'll be imposiible for me to have you
it's just that, right now
i'm missing you already.
always together, forever apart
- the notebook
10111
7/7/08
cuz we only got one night.
Forever - Chris Brown
Forever
Hey (eh)
Forever
Forever
Hey (eh)
Forever
It’s you, and me
Movin at the speed of light into eternity (yeah)
Tonight, is the night
To join me in the middle of ectacy
Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you (around you)
Ima take you there, Ima take you there
So don’t be scared, I’m right here, ya ready?
We can go anywhere
Go anywhere
But first, its your chance
Take my hand
Come with me
It’s like I waited my whole life
For this one night
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double you fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor
Feels like were on another level (ohh ahh)
Feels like our loves intertwine
We can be two rebels
Breakin the rules
Me and you
You and I
All you gotta do is watch me
Look what I can do with my feet, baby
Feel the beat inside
I’m drivin, you could take the front seat (front seat)
Just need you to trust me (trust me)
Girl girl girl
It’s like now
It’s like I waited my whole life (oh)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night (ohh)
Double you pleasure
Double your fun (yeah)
And dance forever ever ever (ohh)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever on the dance floor
It’s a long way down
We so high off the ground
Sendin for an angel to bring me your heart
Girl where did you come from?
Got me so undone
Gazin in your eyes got me sayin
What a beautiful lady
No ifs ands or maybes
I’m releasin my heart
And it’s feelin amazing
Theres no one else that matters
You love me
And I wont let you fall girl
Let you fall girl (ahh ohh oh oh yeah)
Yeah, I wont let you fall
Let you fall
Let you fall (ohh ohh)
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
It’s like
It’s like I waited my whole life (whole life)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (me you and the dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double your fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor
ohh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh yeah
Forever ever ever ever
Forever ever ohh
** nuff said. =D =D =D
10111
6/19/08
just a question.
a question to build a dreamer.
how will you know if someone likes you or they are just super mega over friendly???
10111
how will you know if someone likes you or they are just super mega over friendly???
10111
6/3/08
i REALLY neeed to write this down.
sometimes, there are things that you just couldn't help but write down.
and an example of that is this dream of mine. [i just woke up BTW, although its already 11:44 PM]
so usual day for me, went to school got home then i slept. and then it came. those inside the parentheses are my comments.
and an example of that is this dream of mine. [i just woke up BTW, although its already 11:44 PM]
so usual day for me, went to school got home then i slept. and then it came. those inside the parentheses are my comments.
it started like this. we, my friends and i, including her,(and i don't know why she's included) decided to go to CCP complex (and i don't know why either). we went there at around 6 PM and since it was June it was raining that night and it was dark (supposing there wasn't global warming). anyway after that we stayed there for a while, parked the car at some place then walked around (in the rain? haha dont blame me this was a dream). after walking around we went back to school. then we parted ways (my friends and i and her). after saying our goodbyes, we each went their ways and i asked her if she has a car or a ride home and she said yes she has a car. she then immediately asked me if i had a ride home since it was already about 8 or 9 PM. i said i'm commuting via LRT as usual. she then replied the most unexpected thing in the world. "gusto mo hatid kita?" (as if this would really happen). of course i said yes. she said ok but first we must make a stop over at her other house nearby (i don't know why she has 2 houses in this dream. haha). i really dont know why, but when we were going to her "other house" my friends also went with us. and during the trip to her house, in her car, WE HELD HANDS.
anyway, upon reaching her house everyone cleaned up (it's like were in a stupid roadtrip. haha). while we were cleaning up, of course i assisted her and surprisingly (again) she assisted me too. while she was wiping my face, (i wish this part was true, as well as the incoming part. haha) she told me that she was gonna put something in my face (i think it was a lotion or some facial stuff). i said sure, but she must also put the same stuff in her face (i kinda don't trust her. hahaha). well, she said sure but we both must close our eyes. and close our eyes we did and then she put the stuff in her face as well as mine. after a while we wiped down the remains of the stuff (eew) and still with our eyes closed, I KISSED HER (BOOOOOM! climax in your face! hahaha. AND I REALLY WISHED THIS WAS FUCKIN REAL!!!). she was shocked at what i did and then SHE HUGGED ME AS IF SHE WAS APPROVING OF ME KISSING HER (another BOOOOM! for me there. hahahaha. God i really wished this was effin REAL). opening our eyes after, we realized that our friends were watching us during both that superb unexpected moments. but the funny thing is, THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. haha. as if they expected us to just do that even though "hindi naman kami". anyway after that wonderful spontaneous moment of love surging through my body (or my subconccious mind, for the reality is this was just a dream. huhu) we went out of her house and this time, really parted ways. our friends went home, riding their cars and we she and i, went to her car. i dont know if this has some bearing or symbolic meaning but her car was an old car. just like the ones you see at filipino movies used by FPJ or other action stars get blown up? that was her car. it has no aircon so she drove with the windows down, with the coldness of the evening air gushing through our faces.
staying true to what she said, she brought me home (as if i was the girl. anyway, here comes the thriller part i always have in my dreams. lol). it was around 11PM when we reached my place and upon reaching our street, i saw our car at the street. my parents just arrived. so i asked her to make a detour and drop me just one block away so my parents won't see us. she drove the car around and exited our street. upon exiting, a mmda approached us and told us "ma'am, ser coding po kayo". i was like, "WTF?! it's 11PM and you are still checking around for coding vehicles?" we tried to talk to the officers (yes there were plenty of them, waiting for dinner i assume) but to no avail. we said we'd just pay them, and they we need to pay 800 pesos. being both "kuripot" we argued that we didn't have the money and that we just have 200 pesos. we forced the issue and threw the 200 pesos to them and then she stepped on the gas and started our escape (haha here we go). after a couple of minutes, we reached EDSA (it really is near our place) then i think her car broke down. it was an old one kc dba? so we went on foot, HOLDING HANDS, running together. after running a few meters, we looked back and saw that we were still being pursued so i told her we need to split ways (just like a stupid movie. hahaha) and told her to go "that" way where in she could then ride a bus going back to school then to her real home. when i saw that she were already in the bus, i waved GOODBYE then ran towards the direction of my house. there were still 3 of them running after me. i tried to lose them by hiding in the "hotels" around my place and the last thing i remembered was i shut myself into a cubicle in a comfort room.
END OF DREAM/NIGHTMARE.
well that was my dream. and while writing it down, i realized why some of the things in my dream happened, like the roadtrip stuff. anyway it really is a stupid one, but the ones i wrote down in capital letters, i wish it would come true even though i know that there is only 1/10000 chance that those things would happen for me.
10111
anyway, upon reaching her house everyone cleaned up (it's like were in a stupid roadtrip. haha). while we were cleaning up, of course i assisted her and surprisingly (again) she assisted me too. while she was wiping my face, (i wish this part was true, as well as the incoming part. haha) she told me that she was gonna put something in my face (i think it was a lotion or some facial stuff). i said sure, but she must also put the same stuff in her face (i kinda don't trust her. hahaha). well, she said sure but we both must close our eyes. and close our eyes we did and then she put the stuff in her face as well as mine. after a while we wiped down the remains of the stuff (eew) and still with our eyes closed, I KISSED HER (BOOOOOM! climax in your face! hahaha. AND I REALLY WISHED THIS WAS FUCKIN REAL!!!). she was shocked at what i did and then SHE HUGGED ME AS IF SHE WAS APPROVING OF ME KISSING HER (another BOOOOM! for me there. hahahaha. God i really wished this was effin REAL). opening our eyes after, we realized that our friends were watching us during both that superb unexpected moments. but the funny thing is, THEY DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. haha. as if they expected us to just do that even though "hindi naman kami". anyway after that wonderful spontaneous moment of love surging through my body (or my subconccious mind, for the reality is this was just a dream. huhu) we went out of her house and this time, really parted ways. our friends went home, riding their cars and we she and i, went to her car. i dont know if this has some bearing or symbolic meaning but her car was an old car. just like the ones you see at filipino movies used by FPJ or other action stars get blown up? that was her car. it has no aircon so she drove with the windows down, with the coldness of the evening air gushing through our faces.
staying true to what she said, she brought me home (as if i was the girl. anyway, here comes the thriller part i always have in my dreams. lol). it was around 11PM when we reached my place and upon reaching our street, i saw our car at the street. my parents just arrived. so i asked her to make a detour and drop me just one block away so my parents won't see us. she drove the car around and exited our street. upon exiting, a mmda approached us and told us "ma'am, ser coding po kayo". i was like, "WTF?! it's 11PM and you are still checking around for coding vehicles?" we tried to talk to the officers (yes there were plenty of them, waiting for dinner i assume) but to no avail. we said we'd just pay them, and they we need to pay 800 pesos. being both "kuripot" we argued that we didn't have the money and that we just have 200 pesos. we forced the issue and threw the 200 pesos to them and then she stepped on the gas and started our escape (haha here we go). after a couple of minutes, we reached EDSA (it really is near our place) then i think her car broke down. it was an old one kc dba? so we went on foot, HOLDING HANDS, running together. after running a few meters, we looked back and saw that we were still being pursued so i told her we need to split ways (just like a stupid movie. hahaha) and told her to go "that" way where in she could then ride a bus going back to school then to her real home. when i saw that she were already in the bus, i waved GOODBYE then ran towards the direction of my house. there were still 3 of them running after me. i tried to lose them by hiding in the "hotels" around my place and the last thing i remembered was i shut myself into a cubicle in a comfort room.
END OF DREAM/NIGHTMARE.
well that was my dream. and while writing it down, i realized why some of the things in my dream happened, like the roadtrip stuff. anyway it really is a stupid one, but the ones i wrote down in capital letters, i wish it would come true even though i know that there is only 1/10000 chance that those things would happen for me.
10111
6/1/08
variable change.
always account for variable change.
that's a line coming from the movie "21". but how could you account for variable change so easily when change comes unexpectedly?
that's a line coming from the movie "21". but how could you account for variable change so easily when change comes unexpectedly?
coming off from summer and the first week of classes, i started to feel a bit confused about things. of course, the thing i was most confused is when i think about her. me. and us. i know for a fact that we will never be. and this is why sometimes, i just wake up in the morning feeling all hyped up telling myself starting now, im gonna forget about her. but how can you forget about her when fate gives you every reason not to? all this things happening to us both makes me crazy. just when you are at that moment, when you are sure of yourself that at last you've got her out of your system, fate and destiny just gives the both of you time to be together. just when you thought that she's never gonna affect you and your feelings again, life just gives you another experience wherein you start to fall for her all over again. i'm pretty sure that compared to what i feel towards her, her feelings for me is so small that it is negligible. i know she'll never see me the way i see her. not in my lifetime. i just want to get out of this room. a room filled with your smiles and pictures. a room filled with the sound of your voice as well as your laughter. a room filled with you.
i just want to be able to account for variable change, and not get too emotional when you are around.
10111
i just want to be able to account for variable change, and not get too emotional when you are around.
10111
5/9/08
random stuff.
Back.
Been a while since i last blogged here. Checking, i realize that my last blog was written last Novemeber 07. I really don't know why I stopped blogging. Maybe lack of interest. Or maybe I just can't share the things I feel like I used to for so many various reasons. Reasons that keep even myself from realizing what I really feel towards something/someone. Whatever.
Anyway, I feel so confused these past few days. Sometimes I just feel crappy, cranky, sad, hurt and all other negative feelings all at the same time. And maybe that is the reason why I'm back here. I am once again seeking refuge, comfort and peace of mind on these blank pages which had once made me transfer those negative feelings into the electronic world. Into the eyes of strangers which would probably not care. Maybe I'm just some sad kid writing what he feels for them, but I don't care. What people think usually matters for me, but this time, once again, it will not matter.
This may be a pretty long entry since I have so many things to write about. Or maybe, if I get bored/sleepy I'd cut this entry into pieces.
Since the start of summer I had so many questions. The daily train trips alone can make a person feel this way. Sometimes a question just pops out of your head out of nowhere while staring at the blank faces of other people in the train. One question I received from the mysterious beyond is this: Can you really forget about someone whom you have already loved? I know people tend to say, "i forgot about him/her" or "i've moved on" but can people really do that? Not that this is my present situation but i just thought about that. Thinking for a while made me realize that yes people can forget about someone since forgetting happens in the mind, but deep inside you will always have a sepcial feeling for someone whom you have loved. I don't know. I'm no psychologist or something but I really think it works this way. I think that you can only forget someone but never "un-love" them. Again, whatever. These are just random stuff coming from me.
Well maybe that's it for now. I'm too lazy to spill about my feelings right now. I know "she" won't ever chance upon this pages but laziness is overpoewring me so I'll write about it someother time. I hope I'll be back here soon, unlike last time. Well, whatever.
10111
Anyway, I feel so confused these past few days. Sometimes I just feel crappy, cranky, sad, hurt and all other negative feelings all at the same time. And maybe that is the reason why I'm back here. I am once again seeking refuge, comfort and peace of mind on these blank pages which had once made me transfer those negative feelings into the electronic world. Into the eyes of strangers which would probably not care. Maybe I'm just some sad kid writing what he feels for them, but I don't care. What people think usually matters for me, but this time, once again, it will not matter.
This may be a pretty long entry since I have so many things to write about. Or maybe, if I get bored/sleepy I'd cut this entry into pieces.
Since the start of summer I had so many questions. The daily train trips alone can make a person feel this way. Sometimes a question just pops out of your head out of nowhere while staring at the blank faces of other people in the train. One question I received from the mysterious beyond is this: Can you really forget about someone whom you have already loved? I know people tend to say, "i forgot about him/her" or "i've moved on" but can people really do that? Not that this is my present situation but i just thought about that. Thinking for a while made me realize that yes people can forget about someone since forgetting happens in the mind, but deep inside you will always have a sepcial feeling for someone whom you have loved. I don't know. I'm no psychologist or something but I really think it works this way. I think that you can only forget someone but never "un-love" them. Again, whatever. These are just random stuff coming from me.
Well maybe that's it for now. I'm too lazy to spill about my feelings right now. I know "she" won't ever chance upon this pages but laziness is overpoewring me so I'll write about it someother time. I hope I'll be back here soon, unlike last time. Well, whatever.
10111
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