game over.

intro.

guess its game over huh? guess imma kick myself out of your world from now on. know why? read on.

the cause.

you make every effort i make seem futile. everything i do, which shows how much i wanna be with you goes to the trash bin every time. whenever i plan on doing something you always have the right thing to do to destroy it. i dunno why you do this but it really breaks me. everytime i open my heart for you, you come in then leave it open, exposed, with nothing. even worse, when you do this, you shatter the already broken heart i have. i never should have opened my heart to you again. it was a bad risk. something not worth doing again, in your case. i've been loving selflessly these past 2 and a half years, maybe its time to love myself again. no more you in my life. no more me in yours. maybe you are much better with that person than me. and maybe, you like that person better than me. and maybe you like to get hurt by that person so much that you have forgotten all that has happened in every second, minute and hour we spent. maybe you forgot how you smiled at everything i did for you, and how you loved me for fighting for you even in the worst chain of events. i never thought it would be that easy for you. well since it is, im shutting my little unimportant self out of your busy life and live my own. you offered me nothing but a cup full of pain and suffering, and now im not going to take it.

the effect.

as the pillars of smoke called "feelings" disappear with the morning star, the new sun appears signifying a new day for me. this burning heart of mine had been cast with sand and water and is now sober. there's gonna be no more you in my life. and no more me in yours. i've already got myself out of this labyrinth of yours and im not coming back. a labyrinth made up of lies, and your smiling picture in every wall. this game of information is far complex than i've ever played and now im exhausted from making every wrong move and setting myself a platform below you. there's gonna be no more strings to control me, because i've already cut them down. i dare you, not to come to me anymore. i dare you, not to tell me that that person hurt you or cheated on you. and if you do, im gonna stick a bullet in between those decieving eyes of hers and leave the gun right at your doorstep. i am now moving to a new chapter of my life entitled "happiness without you" from a chapter called "holding on to loneliness caused by you". there's so much things i wanted to say but everything in my foolish mind is in chaos. a turmoil that you caused making myself unable to think rationally. and time is running out for you and me. as i finish writing the last character in this entry, im going to forget you. and i am not going to try doing it, i will do it. for the sake of this shattered heart you left in your kitchen floor.

disclaimer.

this entry, most probably is a one sided story. it comes from the voice of a wounded heart and a heart like that cannot think rationally. i will heed no more explanations for explanations will only create another map of lies. your tears cannot speak for you anymore. you cannot appeal to my own tears. this is the fullness of loneliness. it is said that the darkest hour of the day is the twilight between morning and night. now i have come to pass this hour and have decided to move on. none can stop me for i am doing this for myself and not for anyone else. it has been a long night, and i am no longer head down and hiding my tears for my tears have been dried up by the first ray of sunlight. i do not wish for your happiness because i find it much more important to wish for mine. a happiness i deserve without you. this is your risk. you chose her over me then fine. to hell with her. im not gonna be there to stand up for you anymore. let her do it. it's not under my jurisdiction anymore and i plan to live my life on my own.

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